Jason and The Devil

What follows is a dialogue that I dreamt up a few years ago, inspired by a line from Umberto Eco's novel Foucault's Pendulum and Arthur Porges's short story The Devil and Simon Flagg. Of course I know about Porges's story only because Simon Singh refers to it in Fermat's Last Theorem !

Jason: It sure is a lovely day!

The Devil: I would certainly agree, but in a darker sense of the word.

Jason turns around and almost jumps out of his skin.

Jason: Holy Smokes! Who're you?

The Devil: Never mind! But isn't speaking of the word lovely in a darker sense something of a... what would you humans call it?

Jason: A contradiction?

The Devil: Yes! I suppose you can call it that... but then you see, I'm The Devil and Darkness is quite Lovely for me and therefore I concur with your initial appreciative diagnosis. Today is indeed a lovely day. Quite lovely in fact for pursuing unguarded humans like you!

Jason: Why would your highness, The Supreme Ruler of the infernal depths be sneaking up behind innocent humans like me?

The Devil: I believe you're under the mistaken impression that the supreme ruler of the infernal world cannot appreciate sharply satirical human speech. Now I shall demonstrate to you the extent of my appreciation.

The Devil makes a fluid gesture with both his arms. The opening bars of Beethoven's Fifth can be heard thundering. With an abrupt movement The Master of Infernal Special Effects conjures up a slew of MGM style visual effects with a touch of Devilish ingenuity that would have given goosebumps to even a hardened fan of horror movies and put Industrial Lights and Magic out of business. Lightning and Fire seem to strike at Jason from infinitely many directions and The Devil himself seemed to have grown to the size of a multi-dimensional Godzilla! But as abruptly as it had begun it was over. The face of The Devil was contorted in a Devilish imitation of smugness.

Jason looks dazed and awestruck but gathers his wits around pretty quickly.

Jason: Phew! Wow! That was frightening! I'm quite certain that a lot of people would go bankrupt if you manage to make your way to Hollywood.

The Devil is unable to hide his surprise and looks really annoyed.

The Devil: You think you're quick witted, don't you?

Jason: Yeah! Sure...

The Devil: Then let me match my anti-divine wit against your super quick human brain.

Jason: I don't really prefer matching wits against nonexistent creatures.

The Devil: How dare you... never mind! Prove to me that I don't exist.

Jason: That's quite simple. I don't believe that the Devil exists. Therefore you don't exist!

The Devil: But I do exist as you can see!

Jason: My Belief is firm.

The Devil: So is my existence.

Jason: Then I'll have to prove it your way. You exist. This Implies that God exists, right?

The Devil smirks.

The Devil: Him! Yes He does.

Jason: Then that proves you don't exist!

Before The Devil manages to react, Jason makes the sign of the Cross. Instantaneously The Devil vanishes in a puff of nonexistent smoke (courtesy Infernal Lights and Magic).